Patrick Christys

Patrick Christys is a political commentator and professional loudmouth who, despite still not being able to shave, has reported from warzones in Syria, investigated terror cells in Britain, run his mouth off on Sky News and worked at several national newspapers.

He realised he was better at talking about sport than gracing the pitch with his physical presence, and didn't have the face for telly, so now he chats about it on the radio.

Patrick used to have a body like a dropped lasagne but decided to take up marathon running and has since lost three stone. Unfortunately, he’s put it all back on again!

Patrick represents the small club of Manchester United fans who come from within a 20-mile radius of Old Trafford.

He’s a keen cricketer because it’s the only sport that has two regimented breaks for mealtimes and clubs usually have a fully stocked bar.